Take Your "Blah Blah"

wow. The day's barely started for me and already it's pure awesome. I got a call from Frosty, who's over in Japan atm. That was great. I think we talked for a good hour or so. There's nothing better than catching up with close friends. Hopefully he'll be able to get some leave and visit soon. That would be epic fun, and it would mean we have our cosplay Batman. Win? I think so.

Checked the mail and the book Neeners is letting me borrow got here, so I'll be sending her the exchange borrow books I promised her. The itouch is charging and as soon as that's done I'm gonna go for a walk, get a mountain dew and enjoy the beautiful, albeit windy weather. Maybe sit out in the sun and write s'more.

I'm feeling so energized and optomistic right now, it's amazing what one little thing can do for one's morale. Thanks frosty!

Today was a lazy lazy lazy day. I accomplished absolutely nothing. I wrote maybe two paragraphs to what I'm currently working on, spent the day watching scrubs and reading comics. Didn't bother cooking anything for eats, went to McD's for some foods that I'll probably later regret. Oh well.

I don't feel any different now than I did at Noon today, or four. I feel sleepy and lazy and warm and perfectly okay with all of those. Maybe I'll write a little more before bed. Maybe I'll draw my new OC. Maybe I'll just go to bed early.

Either way, its all good. things are finally falling back into place. Looks like october is going to freaking rawk. I get to go to my first Samhain ritual as part of a coven, my birthday's coming, and oh, yeah, Dad get's home :D He should be back around the tenth or eleventh. I can't wait :)

Not much else to say. Hope all of you have had as wonderfully unproductive yet fulfilling a day as I have.

Okay, it's been forever and a day since I've updated in any coherant fashion. (not a blurb on faceborg) But, mostly it's because i haven't had much to say. i've been sick, in and out of tyhe hospital and generally just laying in bed wishing the meds would hurry up and do their job. Had another infection, which resulted in a very unpleasant visit tot he er (which I will get to in a sec)the removal of my chest cath and the addition of a brand new temp. neck cath. it looks like a vampire feeding tube.

anyway, what i really wanted to talk(vent) about was that visit to the emergency room. o.m.g. I was sick sick sick, headache, fever, nausia, vomiting, aches, chills, you name it, I had it. I explained to the nurses all of my symptoms and my fear it was due to an infection, because when I was cleaning and rebandaging my neck cath, I found gross yellow discharge. not a lot, but enough to set off warning bells.

They put me in a room, gave me an Iv, drew blood, and left me sit there for four hours. then they took a chest X-ray. and let me sit for two hours. They finally gave me some phenagrin for nausia, but refuses to do anything about my level 10 headache. I'm not proud of the fact, but I was in tears. it hurt and I was so frustraited by then. They tried giving me morphine, but that didn't touch it, and then, here's the kicker, *half a milligram* of diloted. that's like, a drop. they were treating me like some kind of addict seeking drugs. they let me sit for another hour before coming back and giving me two big strong antibiotics and telling me my bloodwork was fine and I could go home. They still ignored the fact that i was in excruciating pain, saying I could choose either the half miilligram of diloted or a prescription for percoset.

I took the prescription, but wouldn't ya know, convieniently, all the pharmacies in town were closed.


The next day at dialysis I was informed that the cultures THEY took as routine came back infected, and I would need surgery and blah blah blah.

Mom was not happy. She marched right back to the ER and tore them new ones like a momma wolf. So, here i sit, with a vampire feeding tube dangling off my neck, hoping three weeks will hurry up and go by so I can go back to the chest cath.

Oh well, at least Dad will be home in October instead of December. :D despite that issue with the penrose ER, things are looking up. Now, the pain meds ARE kicking in, So I'm going to go take a damn nap.

Okay, so I better freaking blog. It's been waaaaaay too long.

I'm not exactly sure what is all known and what isn't, so I'll start somewhere where everyone can keep up.

Medical shit first I guess. My peritoneal dialysis stopped working. It took my Dialysis nurses a while to figure out it wasn't, in fact, something I was doing to make my labs all crappy and eventually they told my doc, who said, "hey! Hemodialysis tiem! kthx" (i'm paraphrasing) Anyway, that was going pretty well until my chest cath got infected. Not good considering tis in my jugular and goes to my heart. Dont wanna need a new heart valve too.

Anyway, spent about a weekl in the hospital anf got three surgeries in two days. got the pd and the cest cath removed and a new cath jammed in the left side of my neck, so now it looks like I have a vampire feeding tube. It has three tubes that come off of it (diet, regular and caffiene free?).

so I've been getting dialysied through the neck and it's a freaking NIGHTMARE! It gives me a headache and makes me thorw up every time. Apparantly the neck alien/catheter/vampire feeding tube is super super temporary, but every time we call the surgeons office to get me a new chest cath they're too busy to talk to me and have yet to call me back. It's starting to hurt all the time and I'm out of pain killers :( (anyway, the stuff they gave me for home was nothing as awesome as the shit I got in the hospital) Also, I really really dont need this to get infected too.

Okay! Now the good stuff. mom was having issues with our housing association, bogus fines and shit like that. Our front yard is apparantly an eyesore, but everyone in the neighborhood has a front lawn like ours. We were told to water, seed, and fertalize our lawn. we did. we can't MAKE grass grow if it doesn't want to. Pamela Isley does not live here. Anyway, Mom emailed the local news, basically saying "i have a life other than my lawn and these people wont stfu." we got on teh newz. it was pretty cool. mom sent me the link and i have it here somehwere. I'll post when I'm not feeling lazy. anywho, because of the news story, we're getting our front lawn manicured, re-sodded and all that jazz for free. How cool is that?

Also, dad talked to his comanding officer about all the shit what's been goin' down and will be home in TWO WEEKS! Squeeee! to think, someone to finally kick spug int he ass and get him to move out! Maybe Jodi and ric will stop beeing moody and angsty and actually talk to us again. Oh yeah. And I'll get na kidney!

tis all for now

So last week we got an opossum for dreampower through a lady who was keeping it as a pet. bad news. She had no idea what she was doing, so we decided to take it up to the wildlife reserve up in Divide where they have a wolf rehab center.

It was the most awesome day ever. we got the VIP tour for free and got to play with a pair of wolf cubs, Mikeal and Mica, and a coyote named Wile. omg they were so damn cute. As soon as we walked into the enclosure Mica went belly-up for belly rubs. We got to give them treats and play tug and pet them. and holy shit the size of the paws on these guys!

Mikeal has some sort of bone disease, so he doesn't walk so much as shuffle, but he came right over to us and put his head in my lap. We got a ton of pics, so I'll be putting those up soon.

Apparantly Wile was a rescue someone had as a pet and cant be re-introduced to the wild, so he was hanging out with the lady who runs the place's dog. I had no idea coyotes were so big! He was easily as big if nbot bigger than my boxer.

We're totally going to go back, and next time we'll get to hang out with the grown up wolves :D

I also finally got my check cashed, so I'm all set for ren fair. All in all, today was freaking awesome!

So it seems I'm living under an egyptian curse or something. Every time I say "What next" something else happenes. i have to stop saying that. Know why? Well, half my face is paralyzed now. It's not severe, and thank god it's only Bell's Palzy and not the remnants of a stroke, but it still blows. Blinking is a bitch, I sounds like I'm drunk when I talk, and eating and drinking is an adventure in control and dumb luck.

On the bright side I was prescribed prednezone to speed the healing process. It's a steroid that works as an anti inflammitory so that my stupid whiney facial nerve will go back to mormal. As a bonus it's pretty much fixed the soreness issue with my legs, so I've been able to walk normally and without pain ever since I started the stuff. Hopefully it will last now that I've taken my final dose.

Also, I'm getting a Sega Genesis console/controllers/cords in the mail soon via ebay as well as a copy of Toejam and Earl, Panic on Funkotron. (best game evarrrr) I am so freaking excited! I've been wanting to play that game for ages. It was always my favorite, with it's funky music and ridiculous characters and gags and the throwing of jars and the Hyperfunk zone! and LAMONT! Fweee! So everyone in the springs/monument/whatever/ if you wanna play the best two player game ever, you should come hang out with me on Funkotron! I'll send the word when it all gets here.

I'm painting again now as well and it's helping keep my mind of drama and all the shit going on. I'm feeling much better emotionally because of it. That and the extra paxil helps.

Had to postpone ren fair this weekend till next due to weather and shit hitting the fan and the fact that I was unable to get to my funds because our mail key was stolen by mail key-gremlins. *sigh* Oh well. Hopefullu next weekend will work out and we can carry out our amazing hijinkage and shennanigens.

I need to put more of my artz on DA. I got a bunch of new pics I want to show off. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow after Dialysis..

But that's all for now, true beleivers. I'm going to bed.

I don't think I've been this bummed in a long time. Things before now have been going, if not great, good. My friends have all been wonderful about getting me out of the house and keeping my mind off of dialysis drama, but now. I don't know.

Last weekend was amazing. I had a blast with candice and skye at ren fair, the litha ritual was really good for me too, but all of that's pretty much been overhsadowed by this avalanche of shittyness.

I'm pretty sure everybody knows my labs have been shit for a while now and the folks at DaVita finally decided it would best to put me back on Hemodialysis. So, I had the surgery and have been going on mon weds and fridays. To put it bluntly, I feel like shit. I lost over 15 pounds in three days and feel so damn weak it's not even funny. let me put that into perspective for ya. I went from 125 because of adema to 103.

No big deal, right? Give it a few more visits and I'll feel better. It's how it went last time. So what's the problem? Well, Mom and I were in another accident recently. SOme asshole in front of us decided to U-Turn without his signal, cos nobody here in CO uses their signal. I guess it's just not what the cool kids do. Anyway, he plowed right into my side of the car. I could see his oh-shit face. Yeah. fun. We got out fine, nothing hurt or anything, but because the courts around here are assholes, they revoked mom's liscence.

So now here's my dillema. How the FUCK am I going to get to Dialysis? dad's over in, oh yeah Iraq, all of my friends live either in Boulder, Greeley or Monument and Jodi and Ric are busy. Ric's got work and Jodi does too. She gets like a zillion things to do a day and all these deadlines and shit. We tried to see if there was a courtesy shuttle or something like in the springs, but no. Nobody wants to bother coming out to Peyton.Can't ask the neighbors, they all think I have the plague. Guh! I am so fucked! Sure, mom could drive me anyway in the van or something, but if she gets caught, she goes to jail. Not really an option.

So this is just great. Because of one asshole who didn't use his turn signal, I can't get the treatment I need, which may result in a mild case of death.

Oh! I didn't even tell you guys the best part of all this. So my labs were shitty cos the PD wasn't working? that's been established, right? Well i handed in my card and there were blank periods on it where I decided to do manual exchanges. I've already mentioned how it hurts like a motherfucker when it drains and i can't sleep because of it. Well now they're telling me that because my labse were bad (because the dialysis didn't work) I have to be on hemo for a year before they CONSIDER letting me have a kidney.

whoa, wait, back up.

I'm being punished because the dialysis didn't work? It's MY fault? and they can take away the one thing that could make me healthy again?

Why the fuck does everything have to happen at once? I mean all that shit would be enough, but now Mom and jodi and Ric and Dad are all pissed at each other and I have no clue what's really going on. The way Mom's talking it's like we're not going to be seeing them anymore or anything. Not like i really got to see them much to begin with.

So yeah. This really blows. I get to sit here and feel like a burden, with mom all stressed out and depressed and upset about shit that I have no clue about, I get to worry about being denied a kidney, about maybe not being able to get treatment and since mome can't drive, what will we do about groceries and shit? I dont even know what the fuck to do anymore.

Well, here I am again in my fancy chair getting my blood cleaned. It's like a spa, but not, lol. Really, it's not so bad, I'm just irked my labs haven't improved yet. Hopefully by next week things will look a little better.

On a lighter note, I'm going to be spending the weekend with Candice, going to Ren faire and a litha ritual, so that should be fun :)

I was actually checking my email the other day and discovered two new reviews for my X-Men fic on fanfiction.net. They were at least a page long each. 0_o anyway, it was the ego boost I needed and the kick in the rear as well, so I'm currently working on chapter four. Maybe I can get back in gear and actually finish a fic that's longer than a chapter. *crosses fingers*

Hung out with lisa and Lauren last night, watched them get inked and met some cool people down at Area 51 tattoos. one of the guys was the makeup artist for Idle Hand. also, there's this apprentice there, billy, who may be willing to give me some work for free. ^_^ *Glee*!

That's all for now

Till next time true beleivers

*sigh* chop, chop, slice, slice. My labs aren't getting any better, in fact they're getting worse, so I have to go back on hemodialysis. It's not really a huge or complex surgery, it's just a hassle, as will be driving to dialysis three days a week. Still, at least I get to let other people do the work from now on.

And then i get my tummy tcatheter removed, so I can kiss my 'hey i'm a teen mother' belly goodby. I know, I know, I'm not a teen, but everyone I meet thinks I am, so i can assume judgemental pedestriants will make up thier own worst case, 'oh my god she's a drug addict teen mother' scenerios because I have a pot belly and blue hair. feh. feh I say.

Ooh ooh, and then I get that fistula I was talking about a few blogs ago. lucky me!

okay, I'm done bitching. I feel much better now too :P

Also, I finally, FINALLY got my hands on a copy of 'Mad Love'. Not to put too fine a point on it" oisdbfkwjnfs!!!! EEEEE!!! Paul Dini + Bruce Timm = <3

Actually the entire day when i aquired mad love was pretty sweet. Had a humongous mall crawl with candice, ate much junkfood, geeked out, saw three adorable lolita girls, wasted time/money at a comic shop, had culvers and discussed plans for a ball-pit party.

Picture this, giant inflatable pool filled with playpen balls, a table of sushi (and other ossem food) one of those inflatable jumpy thingies and a batman stripper. there may or may not be water in the pool yet, I dunno. Yes, aside from the stripper it seems juvinile, but think of back when you were a kid and you vowed to have all this shit. It would be freaking awesome. fuck, lets throw in a trampolie and a blanket tunnel for good measure. we can have pillow fights and build forts too. :P

Anyway, thats it for now. I'm gonna go watch scary movies.

Until next time true believers

Oh man have I been neglecting the interwebs. I suppose I owe all of my adoring readers some kind of coherent update. :P Things have been crazy-go-nuts, that's for sure. Dad's in Iraq racing lizards and having underground camel spider pit fights, mom's been doing her thing with dreampower and I've been alternately helping where I can and dealing with the whole dialysis thing.

Still, I have had my fun. I saw Up with Skye and Candice and it was adorable and silly and we had much fun. Went to a passion party with Meagan, though I had no idea what that would entail till I got there and there was an array of sex toys and whatnot all laid out. Still, had a blast there and didn't even have to get drunk to do so.

I've been sleeping loads better, which is part of why I haven't been on. I usually would get on at night, but the ambien knocks me the smooth out, so I've been abed by ten at the latest. wild huh?

Still spending a lot of time watching crime shows and documentaries. I love this one series "most evil" on discovery and found out some things about rasputin that I probably didn't need to know. Like, how at one point the dude got up onto a balcony of the russian palace, whipped it out and yelled "This is what's really ruling Russia!"

Of course the rasputin documentary on most evil lead to my discovery of Boney M's song about said mad monk




It's been stuck in my head ever since, and now you're infected too!

I've been gearing up for ren faire, which is soon soon soon! I dunno if I'm gonna go as a harlequin or a succubus. We'll see i guess. Either way I'm totally going to get myself a fancy dress/corset combo and a turkey drumstick :P

that's all for now, true believers

So I'm typing this entry from my brand spankin' new, teeny tiny Dell inspiron mini. It is made of utter awesomesauce. Sure it only has a 160 gig hard drive, but I really only use my computer for internet and writing, so it's all good. I mean, it does have a built in web cam, built in wireless and Microsoft works already on it, so I am pleased as punch. Also, this is the first computer I've ever owned that wasn't a hand me down. nope. I got this one with my own money. :) It was only 420$ when all was said and done and it is soooooo nice to have a computer with a screen that works and a keyboard that doesn't stick. Also, it's super cute. :D This will certainly make getting my writing done a lot easier, that's for sure. yay for being able to see what I'm doing!

Anyway, now all I have to do is email myself my writing and instal AIM/YIM and I'm good to go :)

Anyway, that's all I had to say. till next time true believers!

Things have been pretty quiet hereabouts and sleep is stil pretty elusive. So, considering the X-Men kick I'm on, I figured I'd use my free time constructively and get some writing done. Nothing earth shattering, just fun stuff to help me re-enter the turbulant waters of the world of fanfiction.

So far so good. Nightcrawler is getting the spotlight again and The Joker, as much as I adore him, is taking a wee break. I think he needs it. he's been starting to look kind of woebegone considering having to deal with me AND the bat, lol. Still, who knows? One of these days my sanity may leave me again and I may attempt what Marvel does every now and then. A crossover. I'd love to see the kind of trouble Mistah J could get in in the marvel-verse. lol

I may even have Deadpool show up. I'm sure he'd love that. Ah, a Batman/Deadpool team up. Hilarity and violence would abound!

Anyway, back to the old literary salt mine!

Till next time true beleivers!

Okay, so it has been forever and a day since I've written anything here, or anywhere for that matter. I guess that means I should maybe update considering stuff has actually happened.

My labs a while back were super shitty. So shitty, in fact, I almost had to give up the PD dialysis in favor of Hemodialysis one more. That would have meant; removing belly cath, putting in chest cath and getting a fistula. Lots of surgery, though it also would have meant I wouldn't have had to do all the work anymore. What really upset me about it was the way my nurse, social worker,nutritionist would bombard be with the "You're going to die" lectues, trying to make it sound like I was doing something wrong. Turns out the 1.5 dextrose solution just wasn't cutting it. I can't help that. Of course, it took them a good long while to admit it wasn't my fault. Anyway, long story short, I met with my doc and we worked everything out. Labs are better and all that, so no need to go under the knife after all. :)

I'm still having a helluva time getting to sleep/staying asleep though. My sleep schedule is so wonky it isn't even funny. Seriously: Get to sleep at 7 am, wake up once more at 11. Pass out at 3, wake up at 5. Lather, rinse repeat. It's ridiculous. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to break the cycle. :( I guess I'll have to talk to my doc/nurses about getting on ambien again. Oh well. Do what works, right?

Lets see, what else? OH! Dad brought back a bootleg copy of th Wolerine Origins Movie.

SPOLERS!!

I remain unimpressed. Dissapointed even. Don't get me wrong, as a movie by itself, it was pretty good, but for those of us who actually know the characters and give a shit about the stories that have already been established, it's like a knife to the gut.

Sabertooth is NOT Wolverine's brother. Mkay?

Deadpool is the merc with a mouth. Whatthefuck are these people thinking, sewing his mouth shut?? Also, his mutant power? Healing factor. That's it. It saved him from supercancer. He does not have katanas in his hands like Wolvie's claws. he does not shoot force beams from his eyes like Cyke. He does not teleport like wraith. He is crazypants. He babbles about yellow text boxes and how to say 'Oh Shite" in skrul-ese while kicking people's asses for money.

And and and don't fucking promise us Gambit and only have him in there for ten fucking min. The ragin' cajun deserves better.. He is far too badass to be contained by such a small period of time.

Oh. And all those other characters we wanted to see(and the ones we didn't *cough emma fost cough*) same deal. there in there for maybe five, ten min.

Anyway, done with that, though now I'm on a huge X-Men kick and have been reading my comics almost nonstop to remedy the bad taste the Wolverine movie left in my mouth. I have rediscovered my love of Nightcrawler. Yes. The awesome bamfy blue dude. :) I even found some of my old fanfic. I may polish and repost considering it got a whopping 30 reviews. (more than all my other fics put together) Hell. I may just start a new one. I've also been in the mood to draw s'more.

When my check gets here I'll be using it to buy myself one of those excruciatingly adorable netbooks. Yes, it only has a 160 gig hard drive, but I really only use computers ofr internet, instant messaging and the ocassional fanfic, so it'll be just fine and dandy. I can't wait to scrap the crappy lappy. My screen is shot, the keyboard sticks and lets face it. I'd like a computer of my own that isn't somebody's ancient hand me down.

I think that about covers it. Till next time true belivers!

It's been quite a while since I've blogged here, or anywhere for that matter. I'd like to say it's because there's nothing to report, or I didn't have anything to say, but that would be an outright lie. The truth of the matter is things have been crazy go nuts and unpleasant and I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want everyone to know how crappy things had gotten and how fast they'd gotten that way. I didn't want to have to deal with the pity or the constant stream of "cheer up". I think I hate that most. People telling me to simply stop being unhappy, as if it were a switch I could flip, as if I choose to be this way.

Anyway, I'm feeling better now, things are better now, so I don't feel so hesitant about finally cluing you all in about what's been going on. My labs had been pretty bad. Like, apparantly life threatening bad. My nurses didn't help with their perpetual speeches on what could go wrong and all the numerous ways I could die. It also didn't help that they were implying it was my fault, that I had done something wrong, that the source of my problems couldn't possibly be anything but my own incompitence. It got to the point where I was afraid to go to sleep because I was certain I wouldn't be waking up. So I had my doctor put me back on ambien so I didn't have a choice. I would HAVE to get some sleep. It helped. I feel a little less crazy now.

It looked like I was going to be taken of the home dialysis and put back on hemodialysis which meant more surgery; removing my pd cath, installing a new cath in my jugular and getting a fistula. That didn't bother me. I don't mind surgery, hemodialysis isn't so bad. It was all of the "you're going to DIE" speeches I was getting, and all at once from my nurse, my nutritionist and my social worker. it was a little overwhelming, especially when right after they wanted me to decide to either keep trying the PD or go to Hemodialysis. I felt like I was under attack, really, on all fronts. You know how, in movies a character will be bombarded by other characters talking all at once and the camera moves in a big circle and the main character is looking every which way, completely dumbfounded? It was a lot like that.

When we (my dad and I) finally got out of there, it was a lot easier to think, to measure the pros and cons, though I was still no closer to a decision. Thankfully things are much simpler now. I met with my nephrologist and he says my labs since then are improving, that I look good and should give the PD another shot. Cool. I can do that. I like Dr.Fox. He doesn't waste time making unsubtle accusations. he pinpoints the problem and tells me what needs to be done to fix it. He explains things and answeres my questons. So that's resoved for now and I'm breathing a lot easier. (literally and figuratively)

And now to the good things that have been happening.

I got to hang out with Candice in manitou not too long ago. That was a blast. We checked out the shops and had lunch at the Ancient Mariner where we totally monopolized the juke box with awesome music. It was something I really needed. Just to get out and enjoy myself with a friend and not have to worry. I got to show off my nerdy knowledge of minerals at a rock shop and even though I only spent money on food and the juke box, it was satisfying. After Manitou we went to old colorado city and Celebration, an amazing, huge, well stocked metaphysical store where I finally blew some cash. I got myself a couple spell kits, a new, bigger scrying mirror with a stand, a chalice and an alter paten. It's just what I needed to jump start my spiritual side. I'd like to go back soon. Celebration has such a wonderful, calming atmosphere, and everyone there is so open and friendly.

We had dairy queen after our splurge at Celebration, which was also fun. Candice let me try her marshmellow shake, which was amazing, and I got a huge fudgy sundae with brownies and oreo bits and melted mashmellow sauce. (I had to take like eight phospherous binders after, but it was so worth it.) All in all a very good day. I cleaned like mad when I got home. Dunno why. Just got the bug, y'know? You start by putting something away, then you get rid of that pile of clutter. Next thing you know, you're vacuuming the stairs.

went to the citadel yesterday and got myself a new dress to wear for rituals and whatnot. It was actually pretty uneventful. Didn't find anything that I OMG had to have!! Got a pretzel for lunch, a smoothie and a cookie and eventually sat down on one of the big couches they have down by the escalators. i only meant to sit for a while, but wound up falling alseep for an hour. Whoops! The only reason I didn't sleep longer was because some dude wanted to know how much it cost to get my hiar this purple. The look on his face was golden when I (very groggily) told him it only cost 10 bucks.

And that brings us to today, which I have spent mostly in bed doing my dialysis, reading comics or watching Wolverine and the X-Men on youtube. I think I walked a bit too much yesterday. I'm sore and tired and slightly cranky. Oh well.

oh! Speaking of Wolverine and the X-Men, it's actually really awesome. Much closer to the comics than I expected and much much better than X-Men evolution. :) I'm still getting used to the design for Nightcrawler. (his hair bugs me) but his voice and attitude and everything else = perfect. the entire cast is great, the designs spot on. I need to get this on DVD.

Okay. Yesterday was fantastic! The weather was gorgeous, like, maybe 70 degrees, cloudless sky, a real feel-good-type-day. It's the kind of day where you just can't help feeling content.

Even better, I got to hang out with Candice and her witchy friends again. We went to hobby lobby and got some crafty stuff, stopped at Chipotle and then made our way to the mask-making workshop. It was huge ammounts of fun and my mask tuned out even better than I planned. As soon as I can get batteries I'll be taking pics of it for my DA.

Also, one of the guys who was there is a falconer and brought his redtail hawk AND LET ME HOLD HER!!! I got to hold a hawk and omg she was beautiful and kind of heavy after a while, but still. It totally made my day. Thats the kind of experience you just can't pass up, y'know?

After the workshop we had dinner at olive garden and I got the best calamari this side of san fransisco and a glass of really fantastic red wine. :) No, it wasn't the uber expensive classy stuff. Actually, it was kind of fruity, but it tasted so good and as far as I'm concerned that's what matters.

Anyway, Now I've got a pigstye room to clean and ratloafs to pamper and a snake to feed. So, that's al for now. I'm sure I'll post again soon bitching or ranting about SOMETHING.

they should have already had the answeres to and ket bringing up what happened at my couple of stints to the er. They tried to say I should ahve gone to them first and wound up contradicting themselves not even a minute later by saying 'that kind of thing needs more direct medical attention'. No shit. that's why I went to the er instead of them.

So I'm going to de-stress by cleaning my room and finding a better place for all these trolls. Preferably a place with spots open for two more of the little guys. Again, I love ebay. six trolls, five bucks. free shipping. Can't beat that with a cricket bat. After all that is taken care of, it's time for cookies. or ice cream. or both, I dunno. Either way, tonight is for relaxing. Tomorrow, I hang out with Candice. Wewt!

So I'm back from the hospital and feeling much better. My blood pressure is down and the four units of blood really really helped. Still, my right arm is still super sore from the iv they fucked up. (They left it in my whole stay without flushing regularly. now it's all swollen D:) and my left arm is a mass of buises. I seriously look like a drug addict or something.

I've been doing some serious catching up on missed sleep. Seriously, hitting the hay at 8 or 9, sleeping the whole night through and getting naps in during the day. It's crazy go nuts! Not that I mind, really. I love sleep and I like that I'm on my way to getting my sleep schedule back in order.

Went to Joe's Crab Shack today for dinner. That was an adventure. I ordered the Lobster pot, but they didn't bring it out. apparantly when mo said two lobster pots they thought she meant she just wanted two lobsters. How they managed that, I dunno. Anyway, by the time I got my food, everyone elese was done eating and starting in on dessert. Oh well. At least I got me some tasty tasty lobster :D Also, dad split his cake with me cos it was gihustic. mmm. cake.

Do any of you guys remember treasure trolls? I used to have a shit ton of them when I was a kid, but Spug cut off all their hair and drew on them with sharpies so they're long long gone. Anyway, in a fit of nostalgia, I bid on a bunch on ebay and, lucky me, won each bid. C: So, yes. i have six of the weird, nekkid little things coming to me in the mail soon. Three turquise, a red, a pink and a yellow I beleive.

Most of my tamas died while I was away, and about half of their batteries are dead. I may wait a while to restart some, raise one at a time for now, unless things get really dull or it snows again, in which case I'll need something to keep me busy.

The rats are doing well, all fat and lay and whatnot, though it's obvious they're getting pretty old. They're almost as scruffy as wembley was. Malingo is pretty happy with his new home here, draped all over his plastic tree like he's king shit. :D I don't think I'd ever be able to go back to not having a pet of my own. I wouldn't know what to do with myself! One of these days I'd like to try taking care of a bird. Maybe after the rats pass I'll get a dove or something. I'd want to start with something relatively docile and quiet, y'know?

I have snickers ice cream bars in the freezer. I think I'll have myself one of those and then get back to that fanfic I've been mening to write. Maybe now I can get past the first chapter.

at the hospital again. I'm typing this one handed because my good arm hurts like a bitch after four blood transfusions. Don't freak out, its not as bad as it sounds, though I'm still growing to hate the new hospital out by my house with a burning passion.

Anyway, what I thought was dehydration wound up actually being severe anemia, which turns out is super lame. Surprising, right? I mean, the whole, having to catch my breath just sitting/laying down was kind of bad news, so Dad took me to the E.R. They got to me sooner this time, but weren't much more efficient. I don't think they actually keep records because they wanted t give me lasix and tylenol, which we proved last tme had no effect. Besides, lasix isn't a blood pressure medication, it's a diahretic(sp? idk) which would dehydrate me on top of the anemia/super high blood pressure.

Also, apparantly all the beds were full, so I got to ride in an ambulance again and am nw smewhere downtown. I think. Either way, the nurses here are awesome and i got popscocles :D The transfusions were ind of a pain in the ass. I had a headache because of the blood pressure, but trying to regulate everthing, they couldn't give me anything stronger than tylenol for the longest time. I think bitching at the doctor did the trick though, cos eventually they gave me some stuff and I feel loads better. My blood pressure's down and everything. I should be going home tomorrow.

So now I'm sitting up in my sexy backless hospital gown, typing this and watchng without a trace to pass the time till I fall asleep again. On the bright side, Mom and Dad promised me Joe's Crab Shack, which means whole lobster. fuck. yes. I should get sick more often. :P

Really though, I just want this I.V out and to be asleep in my own bed. Blah. I'll update tomorrow sometime. Later!

When you try to talk to someone about something that's bothering you and all they can say is "Don't stress". Aaaaarrrggghhh! What with all this damn Gary Busey drama, shit with the dialysis center and the incident at the ER, it makes me never want to talk about my problems ever again.

All I've heard is "just don't stress" like it's that easy, like I canjust turn off everything that's happening or how I feel about it. All it shows me is whomever I talk to diesn't even TRY to understand or offer any real sort of help or comfort. They just fall back on the don't stress as the fucking fix all. Like I haven't tried yet, like I haven't heart it ever before. yeah. I'm so fucking done.

Apparantly my dad's mom, who we 'lovngly' refer to as Gary Busey for her striking resemblance to the man, has found us after several years of non communication.

I thought it had been rather firmly established that we don't need her toxic presence in our lives. After all, she made my childhood hell, was cruel to my mom, stole 10,000 dollars from us and other items from our house when we were moving.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, not really. I don't hate her. I nothing her. I have nothing to say to her. I have no desire to see her, but if she does visit as she claims she wants to, I can be civil. Still, that wont stop me from bringing back the mohawk and carrying my snake around with me at all times.

Still. Why now? Why wait eight years before saying you 'miss your grandkids'. If that was really the case, why call dad at work? Why not call the house and ask for one of us? Oh, I know. You still hate my mom. And why? We've never been able to figure that one out. She's never done anything to you, never been a backstabber like my aunts, the martyr and the cheater.

Is it because she has and you don't? Is it because she 'took away' your oldest son? Is it because she's happy with her family life and capabable of running a household without being drunk before 11 am?

You're after something. We're not stupid. You probably fell on hard times financially, and in no small part because of your continued drinking. You probably fixed on dad because unlike his brothers, he has an anazing career. He's sure to give you all the money you want, right? Yeah. way to be a family woman.

Oh, and the kidney offer? I think yurs are in just as bad shape as mine what with you being drunk my entire childhood. I dont want it. I would rather be on dialysis for the rest of my damn life than be endebbted to you. Cos thats how it would be. You would use that as just one more weapon. "You have todo this for me because of what I've done for you." Yeah. no thanks.

We're not fooled. We're not stupid and we don't need you. We never have.